book outline

“Flight to Freedom” Outline
Umit Samur ID1118

Chapter 1 “The Time is Now”, I am on a plane flying to the United Sates, my biggest dream since I was a little girl. During the flight I flash over the course and memories of my life, my pain of separation from my daughter and my family. I try to reevaluate the events which affected my life.
Chapter 2 “The Earthquake”, How I decide to make my biggest dream true after experiencing the devastating 1999 Istanbul earthquake. The earthquake was a wake-up call for asking who I was, why I was on the planet and who I wanted to be. I realized that life is so precious and that every moment is a great gift. I decided to stop pleasing others for their love and to giving love and value to myself.
Chapter 3 “Growing Up, Held Down” My physically and verbally abused childhood, my aggressive dad and a victimized mom. My first emotion was fear, which controlled my life till the day of the earthquake. My conscious choice at age 3 to listen to my heart more than my mind, as opposed to my dad. Not being able to help mom who was beaten by my dad and not being able to save my brother who was tied around a tree and badly beaten made me feel guilty and “not good enough” all the time. My mother’s victim relation to God and how I was taught to fear an angry and vengeful God, along with strict religious taboos and restrictions. My loving grandmother, still a victim, but golden hearted, the only “safe” family I had. My inner promise to not grow up victimized, strictly religious and always frightened. Taught to fear sex and men, how dirty sex was, stories of honor killings by dads or brothers if a girl was too close to a boy. Sex was incredibly sinful and dirty, men were dangerous. In my teens Dad telling me that he would shoot on my legs and make me disabled if I date with a man and sleep with him to damage his honor. A young man loved me but the fear was so huge that I ran away from him. Fear so great that I ran away from men as much as I could, until my friends forced me to date with a man when I was a student in the university.
Chapter 4 “Wedding” I married my first boyfriend because my father would punish me if I did not, I had no way of finding out about him before the marriage, and I believed that a good Muslim could not reject a man just because he has diabetes, and I took pity on him. I was so naive. The wedding night was in the bedroom of my husband’s cousin so that they could see the bloody sheet that proved I was a virgin. It was horrible and I felt myself humiliated.
Chapter 5 “A New Family Member is Coming” One year into the marriage, still unsure if it could work out, I got pregnant, ending my husband’s parents pressure to prove that I was a fertile woman. I stuck with a bad marriage for 16 years for the sake of my daughter’s happiness. My daughter was a big reason for me to cling on to life and not to quit while facing a lot of obstacles on my journey. I loved my daughter more than myself and sacrificed all my life to her. I made others happy to get approval. Eventually I realized that being dependent on my child and living my life for her was the worst punishment I could gave to myself and decided to make major changes in my life.
Chapter 6 ‘A Trip to Holland” My first visit to a European country away from my homeland. I felt so peaceful, happy and free - a strange feeling which I had not experienced before. It was like being in my real home as I was feeling self love, self respect, social rights and real freedom in a country for the first time in my life. I was shocked to see that the system there was not controlling people’s preferences and choices even on sex and drugs by putting a lot restrictive rules, regulations and taboos. People were aware of their own responsibilities and no one needed to be told what to do, so different than the system in my homeland. This system looked so interesting and crazy to me but I wished I could live in such a country later.
Chapter 7 “Separation” In my culture fathers do not like their daughter to divorce because it destroys their honor in the society. My dad was not supportive to me about my separation but he was close to my husband. My husband and father tell lies to discredit me. I am very angry at males.
Chapter 8 ”The Female Body” It is not good to be born female in a Muslim country. My first menstrual experience as a teenager was scary and shameful. No one had told me what was going on in my body and I did not know what to do to stop bleeding. Being in a female body was shameful and dangerous with attention from harmful men –it is not safe to be in a female body. My first sexual experience, the pressing control of my dad on me as a girl and teenager made me reject my own biological sexuality. I closed myself to my sexual needs. The marriage was a hollow shell that looked good to the outside world but was tolerated for the sake of my daughter. This was a common situation and nobody dared talk of it.
Chapter 9 ”Divorce Case” My husband was content in a loveless marriage as long as I cooked, cleaned, and looked after our daughter. I was not. In deciding to divorce, I was true to myself for the first time in my life. My father opposes the divorce and sides with my husband to act as a witness against me. I could never understand how a dad could be so cruel to his own daughter
Chapter 10 “Dad’s Heart Attack” I lose my father, who I loved and hated at the same time, like two sides of the same coin.. Regrets about not having the chance to heal our relationship. Seeing him connected to the machines in the intensive care for 18 days was so painful. He opened his mouth and wanted to tell me something but I could not hear and understand what he was trying to tell me.
I would never know if he ever cared, loved or respected me or not. He smoked two packs of cigarettes a day, and it killed him at 62. After seeing the tubes full of black liquid coming from the machine connected to my dad’s lungs, I quit smoking
Chapter 11 ‘First Farewell” I was an overprotective mother, giving my daughter everything I felt I never got from my mother. If I could do I would breathe for her. I was living through her. Sensing the unhealthiness of this, I helped her to get accepted as a student exchange student in Texas for a year. I lived my dream of going to America through her, dreaming of the steps I could take to get there
Chapter 12 “The First Step to Freedom” I move to Istanbul, supporting my daughter through college. Struggling to find the money, the energy strength to keep pushing.
Chapter 13 “ On Line Friendship” My fear of stepping out of my comfort zone. The days and years of my life are slipping away, so I face my biggest fear, leaving my precious daughter, who I had devoted my life and soul to. I had to save my daughter and myself from being dependent on each other. I tried to find ways to reach people who lived overseas and in my dream country. I taught myself how to use the internet. I chatted online and loved the experience. Something inside was pushing me onward, pushing me hard to take my responsibility and do something for myself instead of blaming others all the time for my own problems and unhappiness.
I started dating with one of the friends I found on line. We fell in love with each other
Chapter 14 “Engagement” My online love flew to Istanbul from California for 15 days just to meet me in person. He was so happy and in love with me that he gave me a marriage proposal. I never expected that I would get a marriage proposal from him in such a short time. I had promised myself that I would not get married again and punish myself for longer years as I had done in my previous marriage and I was also scared of being hurt by another man but my heart was pushing me again to accept the marriage proposal as this was the best opportunity to my dreams. I decided to accept his proposal and give myself one more chance. My family liked him, my daughter was in shock.
Chapter 15 “Moving to My Dream Country” After my decision to get married everything accelerated. I felt as if I was on a destiny which I could not control anymore. I found a dormitory for my daughter and moved her to that dormitory. I left my daughter, my family and all my friends and all my past behind and took a plane to the United States, my dream country.
During my long flight, the pain of leaving all my beloved ones behind was so unbearable that I wanted to distract myself with my memories. I flashed back to my childhood years, my teenage and school years, my education, my marriage, my child, my divorce, my dad’s death, my move to Istanbul, my first earthquake experience and my biggest decision to change my life. It was a kind of healing process for me. I remembered my parents’ pressures on me as a girl, religious beliefs, taboos and restrictions which made me hate my female body and rejected myself as a female instead of celebrating my body. I remembered how much I felt like a stranger in my own homeland because of cultural pressures on me and inequality between men and women.
At last I started taking my own responsibility to heal my old scars, to grow up and to establish a better and happier life for myself. After I landed in my dream country my fiancée prepared a surprise for me in our new apartment. No one in my life before had prepared a surprise party or anything special for me so I felt grateful to my fiancée for being such a kind, loving and caring man. When I stepped in, I thought how long I had waited for this first step on my dreamland but here I was on my dreamland with someone I fell in love with. Wow, I am really in America, I cannot believe this now but I made it true, I am proud of myself.
If someone really wants to make a dream true she can. I proved this by making my dream true after canceling for long years but I made it before dying. It is never late to make dreams true and get your freedom. I hope people and especially women who are trying to get their freedom know this, I thought.